recap on life...

We fell off the blogging bandwagon. Life got crazy! A quick recap...

In October we drove out for my grandma's 80th birthday party thinking we would be in CA for a few days then return back to Vegas for a fun Halloween party with our church friends. We were supposed to drive out on Friday but decided VERY last minute to just throw some stuff in a suit case and hop in the car that night. I don't know why on earth we decided to do that, other than the fact that it was from the Lord. We called Mom and Dad from the road when we were 1/2 way there to give them the heads up we would be arriving at about midnight (this was Wednesday night). We got in late that night and Sawyer reached out for my mom who was sitting on the couch. He laid cradled in her arms for over 30 minutes, he just sat there perfectly still smiling at her and patting her chest. For those of you that know Sawyer, you know he does NOT sit still for more than 3 seconds, no matter how tired he is. It was the sweetest moment and I'm so grateful to have that sweet memory.

The next day my mom was at work (as usual) but when she walked through the front door at the end of the night I could tell something was wrong. She was walking kind of funny, she was slumping over some, and she just looked disheveled. She went straight upstairs to get changed and I looked at David and said "something is not right with Mom" I just had this feeling in my gut that made me sick. I left the baby with David and went to talk with Mom. I had just been with my mom 2 weeks before this and she was complaining of headaches but she was still busy, full of energy, doing a million things Mom. For a few years she has been mixing up her words and forgetting words but we all assumed it was just stress and exhaustion from working SO hard at her business. I was shocked at how much she had deteriorated in just 2 weeks of seeing her. I went up to talk with Mom and said "something is going on, we are not ignoring this any more and we need to go to the hospital RIGHT NOW." She was having NONE of it. She said she had a Dr's appointment in 2 weeks and she will be fine until then. I begged her, I cried to her, I tried everything to get her to go to the ER now and not wait. She and my dad thought she was OK though and it could wait until her appointment in 2 weeks. I went to bed and called my older sister Laura and my Aunt Karen and filled them both in. They both left me with the instructions of my one and only job the next day was to get mom to the Dr. For those of you who have not met my mom and dad, they are 2 of THE most stubborn people you have ever met (no wonder they bred 4 type A, extremely stubborn children!) I spent the better 1/2 of the next day convincing my mom and dad that we needed to get Mom into the ER asap. I thought she had maybe had a stroke or something, by this point she wasn't making much sense, her words were all jumbled, her hair was all messed up (SO not like my extremely stylish mom!) she could hardly walk straight. Finally after much convincing, we headed to the ER around 1:00pm on Thursday (my parents 38th wedding anniversary by the way). From the moment we walked in those front doors time sped up and everything changed. The Drs could tell right away something was wrong and got her into an MRI quickly. They came out and said she had brain tumor the size of a tennis ball and she had 6 weeks tops to live. We were devastated. There is not enough time or room to go into details of the few days and emotions that followed. It was the worst weekend of our lives. All the family was flying in for my Grandma's birthday so praise God EVERYONE was there. My poor sister Laura and her family live in CO and had to switch their flight by a few hours because Mom was deteriorating so quickly, we were worried she wasn't going to live through the night and that Laura wouldn't get to say goodbye (This was Friday, just 1 day after the diagnoses). Laura and her family made an earlier flight and were able to be at the hospital with us for what we thought was our last family time with Mom. Mom was only lucid for about an hour and I still feel so horrible for my sister that she was not able to process any of this with my Mom before everything changed. She literally flew in, sang some songs, said goodbye and within an a few hours my mom was unable to speak any more. She spent the night with her that night at the hospital. The next day (Saturday) we brought Mom home, she was so miserable and uncomfortable at the hospital. We knew we were not going to treat her there, we wanted her to be treated at City of Hope but they could not take her until Monday so we just had to get her through the weekend. They sent us home with all these medicines but she was comatose by the time she came home and it was clear within hours that she was dying and we could not treat this. The next 48 hours the 5 of us laid in bed with my mom (my 2 sisters, brother, me, and my dad). We never left her side. Our hubbies brought babies to us to nurse and brought food up to us to "eat" (though no one had an appetite...we all lost over 10 pounds that week). We just laid next to Mom and sang her favorite hymns, laughed about old memories, cried about future memories she wouldn't be there for. It was exhausting, horribly sad, yet comforting to all be together. It just happened so fast. There was no time to wrap our heads around what was happening. Sunday the hospice nurse came and said she has minutes to hours at most. We all just hugged her and cried and kept checking periodically to see if she was still breathing. Finally sometime in the wee hours of the night Dad sent us all to bed. He wanted one last night of he and Mom snuggling in bed together. He said when she dies he would make sure we were all there. So we all slept on the couches, in the hall, in our rooms...no one wanted to leave so we all just packed in. In the morning someone pounded on my door and said come quick. I jumped up and said to David "Mom's dying can you take care of Sawyer" I ran down the hall, I didn't have time to put my pants on! HA! I jumped in the bed expecting to hold my Mom's hand as she took her final breaths but instead was greeted with her saying "I love you". I looked around at one of my sisters (who was also pantsless...we have gotten a good laugh about that since then...) and I said "what? She is talking?" I was so confused. We all cried and smiled and hugged her. Her eyes were still closed but she was squeezing each of our hands saying I love you. It was such a blessing from God to hear her voice. She then mumbled that she wanted to go to City of Hope. The husbands put the seats down in our car, laid 2 of Osita's dog beds in the bag and covered it with blankets. My dad carried my mom down the stairs and laid her in the back of the car with my brother holding her. He drove to City of Hope that way. We still cannot believe it. She stayed overnight at City of Hope and almost died several times throughout the night. The surgeon almost called emergency surgery in the middle of the night because she was registering as almost no brain function. She made it to morning and had her brain surgery at 7am on Tuesday (just 5 days after her diagnoses). All of us kids were there with our new babies, those kiddos were troopers! Mom was awake within an hour of her surgery and DEMANDING to see all 4 of her kids at the same time (the hospital staff has a strict 2 visitors only policy but of course 4 ft 11 in Mom once again demanded her way and won. She still had the breathing tube down her throat so she demanded this all through hand motions.Quite impressive! HA!) Since the surgery she has had a roller coaster of a recovery. She just finished Chemo/Radiation and we are hopeful her brain and body can start recovering from this traumatic ordeal. We are so grateful for each day we have with my Mom. We were no ready to say goodbye!


David stepped in the 2nd day of all this and started doing Mom's job at her company. He worked for her for a few years in college so he knew enough about the business to keep things running until we figured out the next step. He drove home that weekend to our Vegas house and was met by about 25 of our new friends from church and my MOPS group and my mom's play group. They and their families ALL came to pack, clean and load our entire house. I am still in shock and in awe of their generosity and help. I cannot even begin to thank them enough. That is the true body of Christ right there. We had just met most of these people and they gave up their Saturday to help our family. It was the biggest blessing ever! We have since been living with my Mom and Dad in CA while David is running the business and I'm helping Dad with Mom. Life has been CRAZY, sad, hard, happy, and everything in between. None of us have had time to even process this traumatic few months but we are all slowly coming to terms with our new normal. I have no idea what the future will hold but for the time we are grateful for each healthy person in our family, we are grateful our precious Mom is still with us and grateful for the amazing people that have been helping with meals, groceries, babysitting, encouragement, moving and everything else in between. So the above story is why I have fallen off the blogging bandwagon! I hope as life settles in to get back to our little routine! If you have made it this far, I am sorry for my rambling! It's the first time I have written it all our and processed a lot of this. I will add a post soon packed full of videos of our sweet 10 month old! He is still the joy of our lives! He has been such a joy and blessing through all this sadness and I am SO thankful we have him!